Looking back

Believe it or not, I'm the type of person who always look back.....I love looking back and wonder "Hmmm, what if these things didn't happen?, what if this thing happened differently?, what if I did this instead?" My girlfriend always said "It's no used crying over spilt milk". But what if the milk doesn't spill? Would I've become a different man? A better man perhaps? The answer would never be known because even if I look back as hard as I want, I could never turn back time.

Maybe things happen the way IT supposed to happen. A friend of mine once said that "We might think that we're controlling the course of our life, but at the end it's all fated and as Muslims, were required to believe in what is fated for us". Does that mean that we should, would amd could do nothing about our life? Nope that's the beauty of life. We're required to try things, to do something about our lives, but if we are not successful then don't despair. Because god works in mysterious ways. There is ALWAYS a silver lining and you only have to find it.

Looking back on my past year, I would say it is the most exciting phase of my life. Finally I can choose what I want to really do with my life, instead of people telling me "This year you all gonna sit for your UPSR" or "At the end of this semester you all will be tested". Interesting, I can finally live my life at my own pace. First and foremost, I would have to find a job that suits me.

Opportunity came knocking when MMC Gamuda JV did an Interview on my 'Official' last day at the Uni. I did my very best, followed the pointer given on the Finishing School program, but nope.... when others are rejoicing because of a 2nd call-up in Alor Star, i got nothing. When the call finally came in, I was on my way to Kedah attending a wedding. It asked me to attend an interview in P.J. P.J? Why P.J?

My question would soon be answered, I am attending an interview for a Planning Position, though I could remember clearly asking for an Engineering position? Is it all fated? IMHO, I don't know. I don't even know why I didn't get called for an Engineering position. Deep down in my heart I actually felt dissapointed. Along the way I wondered wasn't i good enough at the interview that I got relegated to doing planning works? Some people say I'm lucky out of all the people that got 2nd call-up with MMCG JV only I got the job.

To all those people, I would like to thank you for your genorosity, but no thanks. If you have any idea how hard it is to do something that you are not familiar with, then you guys would have not say such things. Plus I heard that afer about 6 months, some of the candidates that went for the Alor Star interview got call-up from Gamuda. GAMUDA? Damn, do you guys know how much Gamuda pays? I dont know exectly how much but at least 2.5k basic plus alolowences plus company shares. Is it just me or do you guys also think that I'm unlucky? And don't let me start on the fact that I've missed some good open interview chances like the JKR open interview.

So I've accepted the job, for the sake of trying and to be honest I'm not very good at it. I kept making mistakes and after much soul searching, I realized that it's due to my lack of experience and maybe I'm just not cutout for this kind of work. Not that I'm being picky, but a job should give you a fair amount of challenge, satisfaction and a thirst to come back for more. In this job, I felt nothing. I just felt that I have to go to work, it's my duty, trhe compaany pays me to do my job. Sometime last year, I turned into a zombie. Where the work control me and not the other way around.

And thus I tendered my resignation. Why? because I don't want to be a planner for life. I want to become an engineer, I want a chance to show my skill on the engin eering field. Not to my suprise, my Head of Department tried to convince me to stay an offered me a job at HQ. But I've made my mind long befiore that. I'm not interested to be a planner neither at site nor HQ. To my suprise however, my HoD said that I'm the most lowly paid Fresh graduate around. Other fresh graduate that got employed after me got 2.5k....Hmmm....It's the same tune all over again. I give my life and freedom to the company, to the project, and all I got back is this unfair treatment from the comnpany.

Is it wrong to ask for just a little fair treatment in this world? I know the world is not fair, and only god is truly fair, but its people who did nothing in the face of injustice that makes the world a lot more hell to other's less fortunate. So I came back to K.L in search of a better proposition, but so far nothing to shout about. Only the same old tunes of broken hope, shattered dream and unfair treatment.